“Suck. On. This.”

This guy is paid tens of millions of dollars for his ideas. MERITOCRACY.

Dissident peasants have to work just the same as contented ones, so it’s a shame that I didn’t manage to get this out on Monday for the anniversary, but on 5/29/2003, billionaire anti-peasant propagandist Thomas Friedman managed to put together a direct and concise explanation for the invasion of Iraq (after 2 and a half minutes of spinning bullshit into gold-colored bullshit):

What they needed to see was American boys and girls going house to house, from Basra to Baghdad, um and basically saying, “Which part of this sentence don’t you understand?”

You don’t think, you know, we care about our open society, you think this bubble fantasy, we’re just gonna to let it grow?

Well Suck. On. This.


That, Charlie, was what this war was about. We could’ve hit Saudi Arabia, it was part of that bubble. We coulda hit Pakistan. We hit Iraq because we could.

So, after a rambling and frankly ridiculous prelude describing three bubbles of the 1990’s (two of which I count as imaginary), we finally arrive at the real point. And what does “suck on this” mean?

I’ll hazard a guess. “Suck on this” could refer to lots of things, but most often the “this” is meant to suggest a dick, or in some cases even actually be a dick. If that’s true, the Iraq War of 2003 was all about the United States whipping its metaphorical dick out and and telling Iraqi’s to suck on it. To be honest, this seems way too correct for me to even call it a guess.

There’s lots to unpack in that ridiculous video, but one thing that I don’t often hear commented upon is the “boys and girls” in that scenario, American ones. Those boys and girls weren’t people Thomas Friedman or any of his rich friends or relatives knew. (And some of them really were little more than boys or girls, which is to say young, strong, lively and with an entire future ahead of them.) They were, by-and-large, the same people the common soldier always has been: the children of the poor and working class. Unimportant and ordinary people people. In our age of massive income inequality, I would venture to call them peasants.

And they died, by the thousands. We scarred thousands more for life mentally and physically-and no matter how much the war costs (and it’s trillions of dollars), we can always get more money. We can’t get new husbands and wives and children for the survivors; we can’t magic away post-traumatic stress disorder. The same goes at least a thousand times over for the Iraqis, who didn’t ask for that shit any more than the soldiers did.

We definitely burst that terrorism bubble, though. Can’t think of a single time it’s been a problem since then.