Modern Court Etiquette

Lords and Ladies have always been very concerned with civility. It’s important to speak and behave in a manner consistent with ones social position and the situation. For example, here’s Kamala Harris forgetting herself momentarily, and addressing the Honorable Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III without the proper deference and respect:

As you can see, two elderly gentlemen were kind enough to intervene on his behalf and allowed the esteemed attorney to explain his brand new legal standard of ‘appropriateness’ when refusing to answer questions under oath.

Here’s Elizabeth Warren, who instead of properly playing the meek maidservant attempted to read into the record the words of the infamously pro-peasant Coretta Scott King:

Thank goodness this screaming harpy was stopped; I’m not sure how much longer her colleagues could have suffered it!

Here’s Representative Martha McSally, scandalously exposing her bare shoulders. The Washington D.C. summer heat is no excuse for impropriety!

She actually had the gall to protest hysterically when the kind officers from chamber security informed her of her violations of their completely arbitrary and selectively enforced dress code, closing her speech by stating, “Before I yield back, I want to point out I’m standing here in my professional attire, which happens to be a sleeveless dress and open-toed shoes.”

Thankfully, some noble gentlemen remain on the side of the angels. Noted body-slam enthusiast and Congressional Representative Greg Gianforte recently reminded people of their duty to be civil: “It’s important to make sure we reach out to all parties and hear their voice. I think the other parties have an obligation, as well, to be respectful and in that dialogue,” he said. Representative Gianforte may be in the middle of attempting to deny people medical care in order to pay for the GOP’s holy grail of massive and permanent tax cuts for the noble class, but that’s no reason to be rude.

Attractively man-shaped scourge of humanity Speaker Paul Ryan is similarly tired of all the name-calling, and would prefer “a great debate on ideas” as he attempts to fulfill his dream of killing poor people- an idea he’s been fantasizing about since he attended college keggers. Noted court musician and pants-shitter Ted Nugent, having conveniently realized the error of his previously-uncouth ways just in time for his faction to seize the levers of power, urged everyone that “we have got to be civil with each other.”

Now, I realize that some of these remarks were made in the wake of a shooting at a Congressional baseball practice, but even in those you’ll notice the call is not to refrain from violence- reasonable people would agree we are not yet at the point where we need to go full-on Robespierre on these fuckers. The call is for civility, for the proper respect. That’s what the GOP thinks makes them decent people. Not protecting our water and air, not ensuring children and the disabled have access to medical care, not feeding and clothing and sheltering humans. No, what makes them decent is proper dress and manners. You don’t see them hurling invective at their political opponents, do you?

Oh wait, never mind. Etiquette for thee, but not for me, peasant!